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Bio Data Construction For Dummies (Men's edition)

by HijabMan :: posted 5 December 06

Ahh, the matrimonial Bio Data. A one sheet paper or electronic document with any information you wish to include. Whatever the contents, though, the goal is the same: a wife like Aishwarya (Note: Sorry boys ) You’ll see aunties swapping them at Muslim Singles’ “Banquets,” you’ll see glossy, you’ll see quality card stock. They are sort of like resumes, but they tell you even less. You can get them in matte, and you can even get them printed on light green textured paper for that slightly professional look. I’ve even seen a few laminated ones. Others go the whole nine with glow-in-the-dark in the hopes that a lovely lady will be reading their Bio Data over and over in the silence of the night…

You may wonder what my expertise is in this field so allow me to explain that I did indeed have a Muslim Personals section on this site, and I frequent Muslim gatherings. As you can imagine, I come across hundreds of these things. So I allow me to present to you:

The Top 5 Mistakes That People Make When Constructing a Bio Data.

1. Naming the Bio Data biodata.doc. How many women do you think will open a document like that knowing that it’s a pre-typed, half-assed Bio Data that you’ve sent to hundreds of people? Sure, the general premise is that it actually will be sent to hundreds of women, but you cannot make it look like that!

2. Listing other peoples virtues. They mention so many details about their families that it could be a biodata for them! The women who are out there probably don’t care who your mother played Scrabble with on Sundays.

3. Printing it out on a shoddy deskjet from 1996 that makes their faces into horrible digital sketches that look more like they are from sex offender listings. That’s just wrong.

4 Using adjectives “good,” “nice,” and “decent.” Unless you are trying to indicate that most other people are not good, not nice, and indecent… Actually, even then, they still don’t want to hear from you. (Thanks Garia)

4.5 Describing yourselves as “sober.” Are you trying to indicate that you aren’t a drunk? Why?

5. Including a preference for your future wife’s skin color. Oh, and while we’re on the subject, “wheatish” is not a skin tone. Neither is light wheatish, medium wheatish, or dark wheatish. No, Olive Wheatish doesn’t count either. Stop hiding behind the grains, you fools.

To drive these points home, as well as to provide further guidance when it comes to Bio Data, I have decided to [shamelessly] put up a sample [of my] Bio Data.

Please note it is only a sample, as I am happily “talking” with someone.

Was that laughter I just heard?

Shutup your mouth. Before I thump you.

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1. slit at 6 December 06 :: #

   I believe I speak for all of womankind when I say the best thing you can say on your own behalf is “I don’t have mommy issues.”

2. HijabMan at 6 December 06 :: #

   Slit: I hear so many Muslim women speak about that all the time that I felt like I had to mention something about it. Actually I’ll add a bit about being pretty secure in my masculinity

3. Aisha at 6 December 06 :: #

   I even read one in Muslim Horizons (now theyve dwindled down thanks to the internet) that said “seeking pious, kind, oriented girl” Umm… oriented?

   I’ve seen “God fearing and prays regularly and wears hijab and must be blonde with blue eyes

   I kid thee not.

   People look at me funny when I tell them I read the matrimonial ads in horizons but… you read reader’s digest jokes. I read these. SOME of the entries are equally entertaining I say.

4. HM at 6 December 06 :: #

   Aisha: I do too.

   My favorites are the Sunni Hyderabadis who want skin the color of basmati.

5. deeba at 6 December 06 :: #

   hey hey hey! do not generalize all Sunni Hyderabadi….not all of us like basmati

6. nazia at 6 December 06 :: #

   whenever i read horizon magazine i match up the guys and girls in the matrimonials section…according to what they want, some people are perfect for each other! but about the skin color..that is so true. i mean, seriously..no one’s skin is going to be sunflower seed white! then there’s the “she must be tall, slender, fair, and at least 5’7” “. gotta love desis….

7. HM at 7 December 06 :: #

   Nazia, time for shaadi.com :)

8. Aisha at 7 December 06 :: #

   Nazia it pretty much highlights how shamelessly the Muslim marriage scene can turn into a meat market in the closest sense of the word. Its strange. The effort to be religious and to be segregating makes the marriage process a little more sterile for people who want to maintain this seperation…. leading you to look at your “life pardner” in very objective termjs. In some ways its good to think ith your head. But when you begin examining another human being like you would a peice of fish at the farmer’s market…. its a bit of a sad statement for our peeps.

9. HM at 7 December 06 :: #

   Oh, come on now Aisha, I’ve never wanted a fish with scales the color of basmati rice!

   Those white cham cham’s, at the desi store, maybe :)

10. seher at 8 December 06 :: #

    OMG, probably one of the funniest bio-data articles i have read!

11. mehboob at 17 December 06 :: #

    Well, I’d like to read the funny bio-data too, but the page is missing. What gives?

12. Ms. Khadijah Convert at 24 December 06 :: #

    Yeah, and what happened to the matrimonials page?