On Giving Men A Free Pass: The Case Of Muzzammil Hassan

Posted on February 18, 2009 by hijabman

photo courtesy of yasmine

“It’s been five days now that my family along with the rest of the community has been in shock. The fact that Muzzammil was married to my first cousin before marrying the victim still horrifies us. Ms. Zubair was his third wife. Both of his earlier wives filed divorce on the same grounds of severe domestic violence and abuses.

My cousin lived with him for only a year. Yet, it took her several years to get rid of the fear of living with a man in marriage. He was known as violent and abusive in the community.” – Zerqa Abid

First, my prayers to the late Aasiya Hassan and her family. If you haven’t heard by now, Muzzammil Hassan, the CEO of BridgesTV is accused of killing Aasiya, his wife. She had recently filed for divorce. It seems he was known to have a bad temper, and his former wives filed for divorce on the same grounds— physical abuse.

And to echo Imam Mohamed Hagmagid Ali’s statement,

“…violence against women is real and cannot be ignored … the Muslim community is not exempt from this issue. We, the Muslim community, need to take a strong stand against domestic violence.”

Just like Zerqa, I don’t think that a strong stand against domestic violence is enough. Our culture is such that we give men a free pass when they do something criminal, harmful, or just plain out of line. We ignore it for any number of reasons, and find ways to explain away their behavior.

Azmaaish, in this post, tells the story of a visiting relative. He was found to be secretly videotaping his cousin while she showered. What were the consequences of his actions?

He was sent back to the motherland for the summer, where he was promptly engaged to an innocent girl of good khandaan [clan]. “A good wife will “fix” him.”

Sania’s parents did not want to cause a “rift” in the family – so they forgave him. “Forgave.”

But what is forgiveness, when it is denial meant to keep your family together? If you forgive a rapist you do not know, who has no connection for you, perhaps you have exercised an impossible virtue. But forgiveness to shut a family up, to put dirt under the rug, is no forgiveness – it is stupidity. Stupidity when we let sexual criminals run about, going as far as setting them up with other’s daughters. And when we speak up, we are told to quiet down. When we don’t, we are the family’s trouble makers. We are blamed for tearing relationships apart.

But perhaps some relationships SHOULD be torn apart. Perhaps when we shake things up a bit will these sexual criminals learn that their actions will have consequences other than quick marriages, soft reprimands, or a new, separate apartment.

Not perhaps, Azmaaish. Relationships should be torn apart. We let Muzzammil slide by and get a free pass that consequently led to Aasiya’s murder. That cousin of yours? A free pass, so that some innocent girl from the homeland is stuck with his perversion.

It happens in my family too. Uncles make inappropriate comments to female relatives. Male cousins get a little too close for comfort. They may find comfort in our parents’ houses, but they will never step foot in ours. And we should strive to be witnesses against them.

It is more important than ever that we support women’s organizations with our time and our funds.

Here is a list of South Asian Women’s Organizations

“I wanted to mention Tahirih Justice Center, an organization that does amazing, brave work on helping immigrant and refugee women in the US faced with gender-based violence get help” – Hanne Blank